Fear

Posted on September 30, 2011

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Just seeing the word “fear” can cause anxiety for some.  It’s an incredibly shitty emotion that will keep you rooted in place like no other emotion ever could.

I don’t think it’s always easy to recognize it for what it is.  It has many different faces.  According to the Word application dictionary, fear is:

Noun

1.            an unpleasant feeling of apprehension or distress caused by the presence or anticipation of danger

2.            an idea, thought, or other entity that causes feelings of fear

3.            awe or reverence, especially toward God

4.            a concern about something that threatens to bring bad news or results

5.            chance or likelihood of an undesirable thing happening

Verb

1.            to be frightened of somebody or something, or frightened about doing something

2.            to be sorry to say something (formal)

3.            to show respect for or be in awe of somebody or something

4.            to make somebody afraid (archaic)

Huh!

Fear can make you happy because you didn’t do the thing you feared and now feel safe.  Fear can make you sad because you didn’t do the thing you wanted and now fear you never will.

Fear can make you act irresponsibly to avoid reaching a desired goal.

Fear can confuse you into believing that in not acting, you’ve made the right decision.

Fear can keep you rooted in the familiar.

I’m beginning to understand that if you feel fear, you know you are on to something grand.  And in knowing that, you’ve already got the upper hand and can stand strong in fears wake.

Fear can make you stronger if you dare to look it in the face and fight back.

I’m learning that I need to claim my fears and call them what they are.  I need to see how destructive and self-limiting fear is for me.  I need to be bigger than my fears.

I’m beginning to allow the longing for something more to seep into my being.  I’m taking small hesitant steps so that I don’t increase my fear.  It’s quiet right now, but I know the fear is still there and I don’t want to disturb it.  That said, I won’t let it hold me back anymore.

I’ve had days when fear got the upper hand and I didn’t write, I didn’t think about writing.  Instead, I did a whole bunch of meaningless activities to keep the fear at bay.

Now, when I don’t feel like writing I ask myself why.  What is it that I’m holding on to today?  What is it that’s keeping me from doing that which I must?  For me, it always comes back to the shitty emotional fear.

  • The fear of where writing may OR may not lead.
  • The fear of being judged harshly for what I’m writing.
  • The fear that I don’t really have anything to say.
  • The fear that I really don’t know what I’m doing.
  • The fear that I’ve taken the wrong path.
  • The fear that I’m too old to be starting something new.

Once I’ve recognized that, I can smile.  I can embrace that fear and keep on writing because if I don’t then those thoughts will become my truth.

I can feel good knowing that I’m doing something some part of the old me still wants to resist.  I can tell that self that we are moving on and everything is okay.  Everything is as it should be.

I’m stepping forward no matter what.  I’m doing something that satisfies my soul.   Something that makes me look forward to the future and all it’s possibilities.  If my words are crap, so what!  I know that if I keep writing I’ll get better over time.  It’s the process, not the outcome that matters.

I don’t know if fear ever really goes away, but I know I can live with it.  I know I can keep it from backing me up and slowing me down.

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