A Gift

Posted on November 6, 2011

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I almost let my “shit” get in my way again.

Last week I got an email from a friend letting me know that she and another friend were taking on a challenge to write a book during the month of November.  I was given the opportunity to join in and write my book as well.

I panicked!  I very readily came up with a million reasons why I couldn’t join in at this time – busy schedule, too many things on the go, not enough time, and on and on!

It felt really good to say no.  At least it did for about an hour.  But, while sitting here wasting time doing things that serve no purpose – I happened to be playing a computer game at the time, I started feeling.  I started feeling guilty, sad, off in some way.

I started thinking about what I had done, and why, and realized that there was a whole lot of bullshit and absolutely no truth in my decision to decline.  I recognized that all I had done was give myself another excuse for not making the effort – not even trying.

I let fear take hold and wrap itself around me in a comfortably safe way.  I let myself continue to be that person who I used to be.  The one who only takes baby steps to keep the fear at bay.  The person who is happy just talking about doing, but not taking any action.

Fucking crap – all of it!

So, I did what I should have done when I first read the email.  I decided to take part in the challenge.  I sent back another note indicating that I was “in”.  I remembered that there is no time like the present.  This challenge is exactly what I need right now.  It’s my opportunity to move forward.

The Universe works in such a beautiful loving way.  I was given a gentle push in a new direction.  I was introduced to some wonderful new people to help me along.  People who, like me, want to express their creativity.  And these particular individuals are impressive, successful and always looking for new challenges – new ways of leaving their mark on the world.  I’m inspired by that and consider it a gift that I shouldn’t take for granted.  It’s a gift that could be detracted if I keep saying no.

Having already taken the first step in stating my intention – wanting to write, the universe stepped in to lend a hand.  Its way is unobtrusive, because I always have choices.  I can accept what is being presented or I can ignore it and continue doing what I’ve always done.  What I’ve realized is that there is no promise or possibilities in remaining who I was.  There is no hope, or excitement, nothing to look forward to except the same old, same old.

This challenge is providing me with an opportunity to move another inch closer to the me that I am becoming.

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