Posted on November 17, 2011


I recently had a conversation with someone whom I love dearly.  She is going through some ugly shit right now in trying to let go of a loving relationship and long-term friendship.

At this point, the relationship is in a place where it seems as though the best thing to do is to let go and move on.

Really easy words for me to say, but I’ve been there and I wonder if this is the type of shit you really need to go through in order to find more of yourself and really leave it behind.

There are huge lessons to be learned in love found then lost, and friendships that have blossomed over years, or weeks or seconds, then withered overnight.

People come into our lives for a reason.  They are all teachers and students and we learn and teach through the experience.  The lessons learned may be difficult to come to terms with, but they do serve a purpose, and we invited them in.

I’ve been where she is right now.  I’ve been to that ugly place where I get so wrapped up in the shit, I need a huge shovel to dig myself out.  I know how paralyzing it can be.

I’ve come to realize that distance and time are what we truly need, but it can be tough to allow that to be.

My process would be anger, then self-pity, then pissed, then more self-pity, unkind thoughts (they never end well!), then more self-pity, and on and on.  And each time I did that, I added more shit to the pile.  The story always became bigger and fuller, more true to life.  They’d blow up then consume me.  And, they could last for a very long time!  I probably could have written a couple of novels about the types of stories I cooked up!  Too funny – but oh so true!

I guess that’s more of the drama I talked about.  Making mountains!

I still do it, but now I am truly aware of what I’m doing, so I put the onus on myself to get away from there.  To leave that shit alone!

It’s not always easy, but it is so important to my own well being, that I just can’t dwell there anymore. I don’t want to spend a minute more than I absolutely have to in order to get back to me.

I wonder, are there those amongst us that never let that drama in?  If yes, I envy them.  It seems to me to be something worth striving for.  I think I’ll reach that place when I immediately recognize that it’s my ego, not my Self that is doing the talking.  I’ll know that because I won’t immediately react. I won’t “set the stage”.

I’m getting there.  I know it, I can feel it and I’m receptive to it.  I figure the faster I get there, the fewer “experiences” I’ll need to have!  And that is definitely something worth striving for.

My perspective is changing – huh!

It’s not only my perspective, it’s also my awareness.  My awareness of me.

There’s a place in me that is centered, completely grounded and perfectly still.  It knows all but will only share when asked.  If not asked, it allows all to be.

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