Love / Anger/ Peace / Relationships

Posted on July 1, 2013


It’s the end of the month again, and here I am just posting my June Peace Post.  I’m having problems with my computer – it’s taken on a mind of it’s own!

My first intent was to write about my relationship to men.  I wanted to talk about the importance of having a loving relationship and what that means to me.

But, then I got to participate in a wonderful event that was planned to try and keep a drop in centre open.  I’m part of a writing collective whose purpose is to facilitate writing session with those who have been classified as the “disenfranchised”.  That includes the homeless, the drug addicts, the street workers, those suffering from mental health issues, and the list goes on.

There is a home in our city where all of these people are welcome with open arms.  There’s no judgment, and nobody is turned away.  This place has been in existence for over 50 years, and now the city has decided to stop providing funding.  There are plans in place to close the centre at the end of the year.

So, we planned a lunch and write event where everyone was welcome to come and let their voices be heard by writing – on their own or with our help, about what the centre means to them.  In return, we provided a hot meal.

I came away from that event with a smile on my face as we collected over 50 letters of expression that will be shared with city council.  There were more than 50 people in attendance, but not all of them chose to express.  That too was okay, and they still got to eat.  I’m not sure what impact their expressing will have, but I think it was really important that those impacted had an opportunity to state what was on their mind.  They let their voices be heard.

It taught me something about my relationship to the whole.  I only spent an afternoon with this group of fellow beings, but I came away knowing that I was just as connected to them as I am to all of the other relationships in my life.

I wish I could tell you more about that, but something very tragic happened this past weekend, and in dealing with the outcome, I’ve come to a new understanding about what relationships truly mean.

Kozo included a quote with this month’s monthly challenge.  It stated:

“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” ~Dalai Lama

He also provided some ideas of what we might write about with respect to relationships. His last suggestion was post anything about the intersection of relationships and peace”, and that fits perfectly with what I’m about to say.

They are young, still in the 20’s just starting out on their own.  They’ve been boyfriend and girlfriend for about 8 years, but they just got their first apartment about 8 months ago.

She’s been busy making it “home”, having fun decorating and starting to host gatherings in their new space.  It’s a beautiful space that they are both really proud of, and life is taking on new meaning.

But then, this past Wednesday evening something transpired that altered their lives forever.

She had a dinner party for some of her girlfriends and he was out visiting with friends.  He came home late evening and was having a meal, perhaps leftovers from the party that has recently ended.

Then something went wrong as he ate that meal.  Anger entered that relationship and now she is dead.  Anger entered that relationship and now he is in jail.  We’ve been told that an object was thrown.  Said object hit a wall, broke, and then penetrated her body.

Life altered forever.  She is dead, and he is now living with the consequences of action taken.

My heart is broken.  They are part of my clan.  A cousin and his beautiful girlfriend -family, two lives become one, changed when anger entered their home.

It’s still not real – still taking it in.

The calls started early Saturday morning, although the incident had been reported on the news this past Thursday – “Toronto’s 28th homicide victim – a young woman … ”

No names were provided as next of kin needed to be notified.  Her parents were at the cottage, and needed to be found.  Once notified, the names were released on Friday and the story became real.

Big Sister whom I love dearly, taking charge of it all, becoming the pillar for her parent, doing what she can for her brother.  Making sure there is family around.  We gathered together, to show support.  His grieving parents lost a girl they considered a daughter and have been seperated from the young man that they call son.  Her parents have now lost their only child.

He now sits alone with his thoughts behind steel bars.

A relationship changed in a split second.   A tragic accident – not malicious intent.

Now the sorrow begins.  I become a witness to what transpires both in my mind and in the mind of those around me.

There is shock, there are questions, there is anger, there is pain, there is numbness and there are many tears.

When we hurt we say things we don’t really mean.


I have a relationship with everyone impacted by this very tragic event.  It made me get silent and in that silence I realized what true relationships mean.

I learned to allow everyone to express in whatever manner was needed.  No judgment, because they reacted differently then I.  It wasn’t in me because I somehow understood the necessity of it all.

I’ve expressed tears, I started to question why, and I tried explaining it so that it made sense to me.  And through all of that, I’ve come to understand that I could never understand, and I’m learning to be okay with that.

We’re all grieving in our own special way, inching closer to self, and hopefully finding peace along the way.

Relationships – Shock – Anger – Guilt – Family – Reactions – Support – Neutrality – Blame – Excuses – Expression –  Gossip – Relationships.  It comes full circle, and then settles in.  Everyone trying to make sense of it all in their own special way.

My relationship requires me to allow for it all.  To make room to witness, to express, to grieve, to love unconditionally through all of it.

There’s still the unknown in what her parents are feeling.  Can we go to her funeral?  Will we be welcome or will we cause more pain?  I don’t have an answer to that, but I do hope I get to say goodbye to someone I loved, who died when anger got in the way.


They’ve taken on new meaning, they can cause pain.  Someone who I love has now gone away.

I’m sure somewhere deep inside me, there is so much more to say, but sadness has once again entered, and I need to let it reside because I know I’ll find Peace once this storm passes by.

R – I know you know I loved you.  K – if I could, I’d hold you in my arms so that you’d know I’ll always love you.

So now I’ll just sit, and let tears fall.

Peace, it will come visit in the darkest of times.

Much Love,


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